Don't Come A Knockin'

If my dollar-store knee-high tights are rockin'.


This outfit worked surprisingly well for Halloween's Critical Mass and the race. Plus, I knew how fast I was going by how high my thin skirt was riding up. I'm sure the bright whites of my upper thighs kept me night safe as well; I swear they were almost reflective.

At the after-party I attended one participant (a lovely girl covered in red makeup with devil horns and big red wings) commented that for the entire night she thought I was actually a lady, and was all heartbroken for "that poor girl" when she saw my flat tire trouble. These hips have fooled more than one person, let me tell ya. And I bet my shaved legs helped a little. I gotta say ladies, I just shaved up to right above the knee and it took forever. Luckily I had an audio book going.

A lot of people actually dressed up and I was glad. My favorite costumers were Kurtz's French mime (awesome job on the face paint), Wonderwoman, this guy who showed up as a green dinosaur, and Team Zissou, complete with pregnant reporter.

The race winner went home with a severed leg poking out of his backpack, and I'm certain everyone went home with a smile on their face.

- David

Say No to DNF *EDIT*

This is going to a brief overview of last night's shenanigans. Once I get pictures off cameras, routes off GPS devices, and laziness out of my bones there will be a full multi-media account of Halloween goings on.

First off, it was a blast. Kurtz put together an awesome race and we had a good turnout. Checkpoints included finding a needle in an apple, getting a kiss-mark from a stranger, entering a few drinking establishments, receiving a baggie of real human hair, and arts & crafts. There was even a bonus item which cannot be detailed here, although it is definitely Halloweeny, certainly not destructive, and probably a misdemeanor.

Twenty minutes into the race I got a flat, and after getting cussed out by the man himself and having his repair kit tossed in my direction, I found I could not get my rear wheel off no matter how hard I tried. Usually crescent wrenches work fine, but I was just stripping one of my nuts (ha!) and decided to give it up. But then I figured, "You know what? Fuck it." I locked my bike up and jogged the rest of the checkpoints, passing fellow racers here and there and even beating a few of them to the finish. I re-discovered something very special that night: Running sucks so damn hard.


Fer some reason you can't embed custom maps, so click the pic too see it in Google Maps if yer interested. The red path is what I did on foot, and the red icon is where my tire went flat.

I returned to Kurtz's home/the finish line and was greeted by many a costumed racer already imbibing. I drank a quick one, traded shoes, and rode a strange bike to ghost ride my disabled beastie back. With proper tools I sat cross-legged in a short skirt on a kitchen floor and fixed the flat. More drinking was followed by a bit more drinking, and then some more. The final four patrons were standing/sitting/wobbling around preparing to head out into the night when Kasey showed up and enabled us (in more ways than one) to sit and chat longer.

Thus, thoroughly intoxicated and fulfilled, Y.T. was driven home by his lovely lady where he then sat on the couch and watched Gilmore Girls and had a veggie burger with mustard and cheese, and then went to bed. A fun, fun night for sure.

Now I just need to get this stiffness out of my legs.

- David

EEEK!

Halloween race!


And the scariest thing of all? Y.T. cross-dressing. I'm gonna slut it up, serious. Race is after Critical Mass today, which hopefully is full of cats dressed up for Halloweeny. It's gonna be a little crisp though and people tend to puss out easily. So come on out, it'll be fun times.

Pics fer sure, maybe even some video.

- David

Stuff & Yeah

A pretty cute commercial, whether you're a bike dork or not.

So stuff has been going okay. Work has picked up since my sups have "progressed" me, which basically means I'm cleared to take more types of calls than I was before. So instead of being able to read a couple pages between calls now I can take a couple breaths. This also means that instead of bright, shiny new users who are polite I'm taking calls from people who are upset that their shit is broken. It gives me lots of opportunities to practice patience, acceptance, and fake politeness.

I had a race last night after Critical Mass, put on by local biker and photo-grapher Wes. The $5 entry fee went to the SPCA and the racers went on a seven mile loop through Downtown Norfolk and Ghent in roughly the shape of Hello Kitty's head, which also adorns the spoke card. I was most excited for the pre-race track stand competition, which I did pretty well in. Top three got to start three minutes early, and after we could only use one hand the number dropped quickly and myself and two other guys got to take off ahead of the pack. Not that it did me any good, I still came in fifth place. I feel that I'm a decent enough rider, but I tend to get turned around or take circuitous routes when I'm on my own. As soon as I know the streets as well as my fellow racers I'll do a lot better.

My one self-consolation is that I beat out another rider in a dead sprint to the finish. It's one thing to finish an entire race before someone, but to be neck and neck at the end and pull ahead is a pretty cool feeling. He had a good burst of speed but couldn't keep the sprint up, which is really the hardest part. Another fun part was wrecking into Kurtz on the way to the bar and somehow unclipping from both pedals, hopping off the bike as it somersaulted under and away from me, and landing perfectly on one foot, hitting the ground running as it were.

Racing up Church Street was especially fun, cutting through traffic and running red lights (always with care) like I was a seventeen-inch wide ambulance. During races one finds oneself doing things one would curse at other cyclists for if it was any other day of the week, such as riding between lanes of traffic or between traffic and the curb and ignoring signs, lights, and one-way streets. But hey, it's a race. It's not any other day of the week. I'm a respectable enough rider the rest of the time, and even when I'm not I don't get in anyone's way. And I always make sure to at least have the outlines of an escape plan if shit goes south. Even if that plan involves possibly rolling across the hood of a parked car or taking my chances in oncoming traffic.

Kasey has been working two jobs, one at Panera and the other training at Starbucks. A new one is opening right outside of our tiny neighborhood and Kasey got hired there, which is fantastic. She loves working for Starbucks and she won't have to drive out to Virginia Beach and back every day, which is like a raise in itself. You could walk there in ten minutes or so. Monday is her last day as a double-jobber and I'm proud of her for staying at Panera so long, even after she got hired at Starbucks. Let's just say her soon-to-be previous employer wasn't exactly up to her standards.

Also, although 98% of you won't know what I'm talking about and the other 1.9% won't care, I now have a perfect town in Animal Crossing on my Nintendo DS. What is Animal Crossing? It's a game that's hard to explain and even harder to justify to your friends. You basically live in a little town with other non-player characters and do things like fish, catch bugs, plant trees and flowers, write letters, decorate your house (which you pay off your mortgage on to upgrade), etc. This game for me is epitome of Japanese game making: Simple, weird, adorable, and somehow addicting. Anyway, if you get the perfect balance of trees and flowers in half or more of your acres then your town is "perfect". I needed to pass some time, so I mapped out my entire town on a grid and got every acre to be prefect. If I can keep it so for two weeks I get a golden watering can. Why? To grow golden roses of course! Yeah, I know. But it took time and effort and I feel I've accomplished something.

With that confession of nerdiness, I'm outtie. Have a safe Labour Day (as they'd say across the water) and for those of you who follow my Twitters and such: I'm alive, I'm well and moving around, I just can't text for a bit. I'll check in when I can.

Bonzai!

- David