Missing the Ferry

I was told I need to post more. Given a quota and everything! So here we go.

I haven't been able to sleep properly since Virginia. My sleep schedule is non-existent. However my dreams are getting more vivid again, and that's a good sign. Last night it was racing around a newly-waxed grocery store floor in my socks with a partner in crime. Before that it as a bus ride.

The Fountain. Just the way it was shot is amazing. Don't even get me started on the soundtrack. I've already made sure two or three people can listen to it. Hit me up, I don't mind raising that number. My favorite parts of the movie are when Hugh Jackman's character is with that tree in space. It's so lonely and beautiful.

I should be doing tickets, but I have been slacking horribly this week. I place the blame firmly on the subject of the first paragraph. But it could be a 1-2 combo of that and end of the year. I could go to bed at a decent hour, but why waste my hours like that? Life is for livin', that's my philosophy.

Jesus. I'm going to be twenty-four in nine days. Twenty-four? When did that happen. I'm still eighteen. I get carded at bars, seriously. The end of the year/my birthday always throws me off balance. Not because I'm sad about getting older or anything, I just feel like, "Have I really lived this long?" It feels like I've skipped ahead a few chapters of a DVD I haven't seen before.

I am not looking forward to explaining fifteen times why I'm home by myself for Christmas. My immediate family already knows and has been wonderfully understanding. But I don't think I'll get that lucky every time. My friend joked that I should print out an explanation and laminate it so people could just pass it around.

I'm wondering if it will be a problem wearing Seth's shoes to my dad's and brother's homes. I wear them every day, I'd hate to leave them here in Phoenix. But I know another reminder wouldn't be very nice. When I look down I smile thinking I'm taking him with me.

I took Seth to Virginia. He walked around the beautiful neighborhoods and rode the ferry with us. We saw The Fountain and Stranger Than Fiction together. He slept in my hotel rooms. I look at the toe all worn down from the sandpaper top of his skateboards and wonder if people think I'm the skater. I want to tell them no, these aren't my shoes. They're my brother's. And when they ask where he is I'll open my arms and gesture at the world.

It's finally getting normal to live alone. I can cook and grocery shop and go to bed without feeling empty. Although that apartment is empty to me. I'm going to move soon.

Okay amigos y amgias, post again soon. Have a relatively safe and definitely enjoyable holiday! (If R. Stevens is reading this, I wrote that for you first. <3)

- David

I'm sure that I'll have regrets, but that's the price of one more lesson learned.