My Compass Spins, The Wilderness Remains
I've started and quit writing something like this so many times. I've been writing in a new notebook, and while this isn't that I think it's the write thing to do. I did proof-read that sentence.
*sigh*
Things are difficult. I want to apologize to everyone. If I could pick, this wouldn't be my choice. But I can't ignore it or pretend it's not there. Something is wrong with me and/or my situation and something has to give. It can't go on any longer than it has without harmful consequences.
It seems like I'm leaving one set of people and places for another, but that's not it. It may seem a bit easier for me that there could be others I can go to, but in a way it's not. I can't be here less than one-hundred percent. Anything worth doing, is worth doing right and that doubly applies to the people that make up one's life. Over and over I wish things were different. But the fact is they are not.
Lately I have realized that I need to go and be alone. Not for a week or a month. That's not alone, that's a vacation. While some may disagree, I don't deserve to be with any of you. I have an addiction, and you're all my fix. Ask any drug addict and soon it's never enough. If I stay, I know that I'll do worse things to try and get what I want. That isn't fair to any of us. I can try to modify the substance but it will always be the same at it's root.
Please accept my apology. I know this isn't easy or smooth or comfortable day-to-day. This will not blow over with time, and the longer I stay the worse it will get. I'm trying to do right by everyone, even if that means painful things. I want to take care of us truly, and for the long road ahead.
I don't know what will happen. Maybe a miracle-cure will come to me in the night, but that's wishful thinking.
I have great faith that life will take care of itself and us, like it always has. Sometimes the transitions are a bitch, but it will be okay. I'm trying to listen to and go with the waves. Everything finds it's balance. Everything will be okay.
I'm sorry.
- Dave
*sigh*
Things are difficult. I want to apologize to everyone. If I could pick, this wouldn't be my choice. But I can't ignore it or pretend it's not there. Something is wrong with me and/or my situation and something has to give. It can't go on any longer than it has without harmful consequences.
It seems like I'm leaving one set of people and places for another, but that's not it. It may seem a bit easier for me that there could be others I can go to, but in a way it's not. I can't be here less than one-hundred percent. Anything worth doing, is worth doing right and that doubly applies to the people that make up one's life. Over and over I wish things were different. But the fact is they are not.
Lately I have realized that I need to go and be alone. Not for a week or a month. That's not alone, that's a vacation. While some may disagree, I don't deserve to be with any of you. I have an addiction, and you're all my fix. Ask any drug addict and soon it's never enough. If I stay, I know that I'll do worse things to try and get what I want. That isn't fair to any of us. I can try to modify the substance but it will always be the same at it's root.
Please accept my apology. I know this isn't easy or smooth or comfortable day-to-day. This will not blow over with time, and the longer I stay the worse it will get. I'm trying to do right by everyone, even if that means painful things. I want to take care of us truly, and for the long road ahead.
I don't know what will happen. Maybe a miracle-cure will come to me in the night, but that's wishful thinking.
I have great faith that life will take care of itself and us, like it always has. Sometimes the transitions are a bitch, but it will be okay. I'm trying to listen to and go with the waves. Everything finds it's balance. Everything will be okay.
I'm sorry.
- Dave
posted by BuddhaDave at
12:32 AM
3 Comments:
things are different for all of us now. Things that we thought were important are still important but in a different way and the things that aren't important make us feel even worse when we do them than they used to. just take a step back from those things and really think if that will ruin you or if you have the power to maintain control.
Love ya man
Good luck.
-heather
Good luck with that, and I hope that you figure this all out, me ans tha K@t are here for you always!!
Lov ya, bye Bye!!!
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