The Journey & The Step

I bought a book on writing. I haven't gotten a book not having to do with some kind of philosophy in probably a year or more. To be fair, this book isn't really any different. Its by Natalie Goldberg, a writer and Zen student. I have listened to her book, "Long Quiet Highway" a couple times and I really enjoy her writing style.

It feels like... me. Not that she writes like me or anything like that. She writes like I think we all think. Simple. The little details that make up our lives. She's honest and open like she cracked open her head and let it all fall onto the paper without any internal censor going, "That's boring, this part is dumb, this part is embarrassing..." etc etc. I want to write like that. I want to write.

The book so far is amazing. She presents writing as a spiritual practice. Its no different from meditation or prayer or any other practice: Don't quit. Don't get thrown away by your mind. Shut up. Do it. What good advice for anything we undertake in our lives. Working out, dieting, getting our butts on that cushion, making music. Just do it. Don't get thrown away. Just do.

I'm on page twenty or something. I've marked more passages than in any book I've read. I bought a fountain pen, its awesome. I have a notebook. I will fill one a month (bog willing) and write every day. I just need to do it.

I've been afraid to blog lately. My mind is saying I have nothing to say. Watch a movie instead. Take a long bath. Check webcomics. Writing in your blog is useless. Not only that, I'm afraid of bad criticism. It made me skip my confession on the full moon.

At first I wrote just to write. Then it turned into writing for you, dear reader. That's bad. I want you enjoy my blog, of course. I want to hear good things and positive comments. But if that is my goal I will be disappointed and disheartened and down. I can't write for you anymore. You can't workout for anyone, write music for anyone, design for anyone, but yourself. Just because its your love. Its for you.

I may never be a good writer. That's not really my goal, I don't think. I do want to be honest and get my innards out there. I want to be honest. I dunno why. I think communication is built into people somehow. Its what makes us different really than other forms of life. I want to share. I want to show what is inside me. For really reals. No hiding. I want to be honest. Here's hoping.

I don't want to write a book at this point. Or a movie or poems or anything. Who knows how I may feel in the future. For now it is only this blog. Maybe something more when the conditions arise in me for it.

Prepare for more posts. Prepare for experimentations and failed attempts. Stay or go. I'll be here spilling my guts, and hopefully, rain or shine I'll keep spilling. I'll endeavor to be honest. If you want to comment please do the same. A bird learns to fly by flying.

Yours,
BuddhaDave