Full Moon Confession - 02

Today is a full moon. I thought it was a new moon and got all excited, but I was wrong.

I've been pretty good this time around.

My biggest win is no meat of any kind since my last confession. w00ts! I thought it was a month today, but its only two weeks. Oh well. Something is different this time. Its easy. I'm sure I'll make it a month and after that they say all cravings go away. I just don't feel like eating meat now (the thought of a steak or burger at this moment is a gross one) and I think its going to stick.

I've kept my anger in check pretty well too. At both human and canine companions. No dog choking sessions, no wife yelling spells. I have gotten annoyed here and there but it always passes very quickly.

I've also been a dedicated practicioner and gotten my fluffy round behind on a mediation mat nearly every day. I miss a session here and there but its only ever one day. I even sat a little extra this weekend, which was beneficial.

I'm positive this last point and all the other points are related. I'm a lot more at peace and feel I have a space where my negative emotions rise up but never take me over. Its like watching clouds instead of being in fog. Its nice.

On Friday I had a strange little episode where I felt deeply and simply that life was perfect. There was no mental backing for this, no voice telling me this or that, and my mind wasn't propping it up with proof. It was just a quiet, simple feeling that life was perfect.

The Misses and I were sitting in California Pizza Kitchen and I was watching a grandma play with her grandchild and chase her all around a kid's area. I had felt awesome all up until that point, but that silent scene just put me over the edge. It was sublime. I know it sounds hokey and cliche but that's how it went. Spontaneous and wonderful.

As some of my last posts have shown I have gotten down here and there. Mostly for silly reasons, although one still doesn't seem silly.

I want people to take me seriously too much. I get hurt and upset when they don't. Granted I'm not a serious person and I don't try to be 99% of the time. But when I am trying and I'm not taken seriously I get hurt and angry. Then I get sad because I feel that what I try to do is helpful and its not getting used. I want people to listen to me because I really feel I can be beneficial. Not just to be listened to.

I don't stop and ask myself if any one should take me seriously and if I'm really so sure that I'm right. I don't take a sec and think that maybe it isn't the right time or even helpful things I'm doing. Its an internal conflict and a big mess. I'll get through it.

I have been a little bit more... um... "self indulgent", shall we say, than I'd like. In more ways than one. I'm gonna work on that.

Overall I have been a lot more in control than before, and its just... good. I'm appreciating the ground I've covered so far and patiently aware there is more to go. I'm in a contented place.

Good lord I'm tired for some reason. I'm gonna end it here because I can't think of anything else and I'm leaving words out of my sentences.

Have a great night, my friends.

- BuddhaDave