Bye Bye Honey

Bye bye honey. I'm sorry I called you silly every time you got sad before you left. I just don't like seeing you like that. I was sad too, but I wanted to help you be happy. You aren't silly. I miss you right now and your plane isn't even off the ground yet.

I stood and watched you until I couldn't see you anymore. I saw you take off your jacket and shoes for the security lady. I had to keep moving so that you'd stay in sight. Then I couldn't see you anymore and I had to turn quickly and start for the escalators. I got lucky and they were empty. I walked past the silent car rental booths toward the elevators and rubbed my tears away with my sweatshirt pulled over my hands like a little kid.

Its so weird to watch the impossible combination of events and circumstances that make up you get on a plane to be away from me. The biggest piece of my life is on a plane headed for Utah. If I think the words "my wife" my chin starts to shake.

I had a harder time than normal making it home from the airport. Somehow I didn't get lost. I made decisions based on childishly simple reasoning and made it okay. Even when I knew where I was things looked wrong. I was more concerned with not crying in morning rush hour traffic.

I stopped partway up our stairs and just stood there. I didn't want to come in. The damn house smells like you and I knew what'd happen as soon as I got in. I'm not a very good example of Buddhist detachment.

The hard part is gonna be when I wake up and go to call you and ask you if you're on your way home.

You seem so fragile and ephemeral now. You were so solid an hour ago and now there's nothing there. There's such a huge difference between "there" and "gone". Such a huge huge difference.

Come home to me soon.

- Dave